The Start of Ending, Again.

I can't do it.
I can't pretend I'm not sad but in fact my tear ran out.

I can't do it.
I can't stand where you stood and still hear voices and songs echoing my sound, word by word.

It's not possible to do it.
I can't and I won't think about doing it.
I don't do it.
Because there's no way out as long as love remains.

The form of relationship that will not separate us.

So there goes the unspoken silence when it supposed to sound,
there is a cold feet upon the mere memory of comfortable company.

I can't do it.
Because I still see us,
we are not at the end.
But it ended.
Those stares and la viva belongs to only us ended.
The Ending started.
And they don't know it.

早知如此

早知如此, 何必當初

今天突然絕得這句話好經典.
最近我是待宰的鴨
被莫名其妙的事情填的滿滿的
一肚子委屈 於是話就突然特別多
可是沒想到這麼多話
全部都說給我沒有預料到的人

也是朋友
只是過去的一段時間
比較疏遠的朋友
很感謝....

不記前嫌
還願意在我如此混亂的時刻
聽我講話.
不帶偏見的justify
我很幸運也正在惜福.

只能說,
我的樂觀可能被我弄丟了
在匆忙的離別三個朋友之中
被哽咽的我弄丟了
我的吵鬧也突然怯場
在這個陌生的家.
我更寧願安靜的刷馬桶或讀小說
因為我疲倦講話要選擇場景

也疲倦演我不悲傷的戲
這樣的戲我演不來.
而且我也不習慣被比較.
我也不喜歡被比較

我是未完成的拼圖
東缺一塊 西缺一塊
能補上的那塊 跟樂觀一起遺失
在遙遠的彼岸 在淚灑的海灘
在自在的半年前 在自由的半年後
遙望著
我等待著被完成

我是很氣憤卻無法說話的布偶
蹈著不適合自己的舞步
張嘴卻無法發聲
實話是, 即使我能說 我也說不出口
我不確定你準備好了沒
我不確定我準備好了沒
我不確定我們之後會怎樣
我不確定我是不是真的想講

還是等這’離別後心碎綜合症’痊癒
我自然會找到定義我的樂觀和吵鬧?

其實我不在意
無論真相是什麼
或許我會從此停留在一個悲傷的點
然後變了一個人
喜歡與否
願意與否

有人知道快樂也是很累的嗎?

Gym in Shanghai

It was not just the fat attached all over makes me feel the guilt, but at the same time, the attention from everyone. Really, not just my parents, but also all my relatives, are worrying about my weight problem.

I know, I always know, that I've got at least 10 kg to lose. So I paid for the gym at ANU; I called out for my diet plan almost everyday; I bought those replacement meal thingy.......But it's about how seriously I take this problem I geuss, it's not how much I say I will do it.

The fact is, it never hit me. All the time, say since I was like 16, I've never thought it's urgent to lose weight, I'm not determining enough to do this.

A friend of mine says it's ok jofan, you're happy not on a diet. But everybody else says jofan, you'll live happier when you're lighter, because then you won't be bothered by all this losing weight crap. I agree to both of them. But just indecisive. So I casually work out, and casually put myself on diet.

It's casual. So mum and I went to this gym close to home. It was huge!!!!! And luxurious!!!! I should have brought my camera with me to show you guys.....haha, more interestingly was the people working out in there. They are mostly oldies! like 40 something people, wearing thongs. I mean, serious, I know doing weight training might not need you to wear sneakers, but man! That looks really funny. Chinese people treats gym as their own home, dressed absolutly imporperly.

After 1 hour cardio, I went into the changing room, exhausted, not expecting to get shocked or embarrased in any way. But I guess the reality never is so wishing. So I bump into a room of women, nakedly blow dry their hair, chatting, clip their toe nails.....I was like, WOW! Who said Chinese are conservative? They're open! Freely doing anything without any, I mean any clothes. And the clearns were just beside, you know, holding their mops in masks, watching everything. I mean, maybe not the naked bodies, but just doing their jobs. But but but, my point is, it was just way very weired@@!!!! I was shocked.

There was actually pointless to showered before going home. Because ever though it was just 20 minutes walk, I was all soaked again by the time I got back....

Anyway, hoping to see more interesting things in Shanghai in the next 18 days. And I'm going to, yes I'm seeting a goal here, go to the gym everyday! gogogo~!

忘了上海有多熱

七月三號 回上海的第三天

是個陰陰的天 其實該偷笑了
比起昨天的天氣 歐, 昨天. 我慶幸自己不是包子
不然會熟.

上海很熱.這是才剛下飛機不到１００小時的感言
而且很擠
三年半前的我竟然沒有發現
擁擠和潮濕是會讓人目眩的
我總是不到兩個小時就要跟媽咪去吃冰
對, 好險上海可以吃到剉冰
昨天晚上吃了紅豆綠豆牛奶冰 加粉圓和芋圓
今天吃到芒果冰
爽到!

不過 總是跟坎培拉有很大差別
才一會會兒 我竟然有點想念坎培拉
安靜
冰冷
無人跡